Archetypes

Given the absence of any absolute or universally accepted system of valuation, all struggles seem to come down to archetypes competing in impressiveness. Anything one believes is rooted in archetype, not to falsify any belief or to say beliefs have no relevance, but in as much as one believes in it. Certainly I feel that I take a lot of heat for this simply because my beliefs are ‘uncommon’, and anything uncommon is more emphasized as being archetypal when it is no more so than common things that no one gives a second thought to. Everything is an archetype and everything comes down to one’s tastes.
‘A bunch of Nazis doing the Sieg Heil’: it’s a powerful idea. ‘The small person trying to bring down the big person’, or… ‘the big person crushing the small person for personal gain’: they are both powerful, but which is gooder? And according to whom? ‘Someone that will look for flaws due to a preconceived notion that these flaws are there’, and ‘someone that will overlook flaws and overlook similarities due to preconceived notions that something is different’… which is gooder?
Ahh, the psychological experiment, that’s the final word on a lot of things. There was the obedience to authority one. There was the pseudo-patients in a psychiatric hospital one. There were serious ones and less serious ones and ones that journalists do that can really piss you off because the tests themselves can be extremely biased. Some of these can ingrain themselves as powerful archetypes, although the archetype itself is what’s powerful and rarely do you find exact parallel situations as these in your life, but mostly all kinds of variations. Above all, you always want to set yourself as ‘the one conducting the experimentation’, as that is a less powerful archetype, due to the strength of ‘the subject of the experimentation’ archetype. It’s all so much bullshit.

My View

A single light penetrates through this tremendous darkness. What can I say, everyone knows me everywhere, and everything I do is almost completely shunned in any official way. A psychiatrist, if hypothetically invited into my life, can take issue with the first part of that on its own, but the second part is very peculiar in its proportions and one that dismisses it can’t help but sound to me like they are there for a purpose. Everyone is going to do what they want anyways, and the more I try to get anyone to notice anything, the more inventive and determined they become to bring down the great beast and prove it contemptible. Or to honor it as their god, either way to do away with it.
In my perception, it’s a game, and there’s a team. Certainly that doesn’t mean things are simple, and it wouldn’t be very effective teamwork if everyone was always doing the exact same things at the same time. It’s a relatively rare occurrence for that to happen, although it does sometimes, in situations where such a thing would be peculiar. For the most part things are too complicated to be put to words though.
Oh yes, and there’s always the politics. A great deal of my life understandably has to be devoted to those tedious aspects that come along with all the glory and benefits of being famous. Sometimes it even seems like there are only those aspects, and that I’m treated like I’m famous without being acknowledged as famous. Anything I attempt to do is furthermore contextualized in accordance to some network of relations, and praise comes at times when I manage to appease everyone equally. If I don’t appease everyone equally, I betray the collective. What I want is not what I want and what I think is not what I think. I can breathe, work, laugh, frown, only when the collective gives the green light.

1984


Many do the thing where they purposely abuse your senses. Actually, I don’t believe anyone would not partake in the games I describe, but they don’t in fact have to always do exactly the same things at the same time. It’s a little, although not too much, more sophisticated than that. And it has nothing to do with me writing about it, because they do it all the more the more I don’t. And it has nothing to do with me having written about it in the past, because it was never a problem and these things never bothered me until it was systematically and insistently made into a problem. And so, if I don’t obey their demands, they abuse my senses. And if my eyes turn outwards and I start taking an interest in things, they will not relent until this is killed. It’s kind of a double-bind because they’re all the same everywhere, and so if I only kill parts of myself that are susceptible to those that would like to inflict all kinds of harms to me, it wouldn’t leave very much over. And then the whole thing is that I’m supposed to have some sort of human relationship with them. I guess I’m supposed to work up the ranks of their acceptance, and if I try hard enough they’re sure to eventually make me a part of their society.

I suppose it would be nice to be normal. A normal person fills everyone with delight. At fragile times no one’s eyes turn towards a normal person, and as they always do normal things everyone can have normal thoughts about them. What is normal is what everyone is doing of course, and there can be a gap between what is normal in practice and what is said to be normal. But that’s just part of the story.
I’m reclusive, which is one of my abnormalities. In fact, that I am reclusive, I don’t think would have been treated like such a problem if they weren’t constantly doing everything to force me to be reclusive. It’s because they force me to be reclusive, that they have to also use it against me that I am reclusive whenever they can. It gets lost along the way that I am in fact entitled to be reclusive, because they do everything to force me to be reclusive. And for anyone that would have me believe they do this jokingly, there are also those that don’t do it jokingly.

And so, not like this hasn’t happened before, the demand is that I succumb to their insincerity, because they want to teach me the wisdom that no one is ever sincere and no one says what they think and I have to become like them because that’s how people communicate. But this is not quite so universal, and is mostly limited to anyone that’s obliging me to become like them, and above all to do so publicly and persistently. And those that get their gulps on the side. Basically it’s strategic and they switch around, and others will use the opposite against me and everything is just as exaggerated and exploitative although only under the pretext of being done jokingly by some. It’s difficult to be fair when they work as a collective, and it doesn’t help that no one I communicate with admits knowing me, although some can be rather coercive in obliging the communication. No one in the public admits knowing me either, which is why the public becomes actively engaged in forcing this process and allowing no escape from my obligation to it. Those that do admit knowing me, do not acknowledge that anything out of the ordinary is taking place in my life, at least not in admission. If the hangman comes knocking, most likely all that will suddenly be left is a bunch of official relations to you by a bunch of normal people who will be quick to point you out as someone that’s been behaving oddly.

Presently, channeled in response to experiences on the internet/ in public

It was interesting while it lasted to try to think of the pieces of shit in terms of individuals, which is a type of thinking that had indeed become irrelevant over the years, seeing as they so often demonstrate themselves to be excessively multiplied manifestations of one thing with one agenda. Admittedly, my faith in their individuality is quick to collapse, and I don’t build too much on it nor rely too much on their not getting absurdly out of control, and it only drags me down if one wants me to believe in and sacrifice for its ‘anomalous nature’, while this is obviously only used to pry and hold open the gate for the myriad blood-sucking insects.
Each is fixated on me, in practice rather than admission, and is synchronized along with the others to constantly team up against me and try to enslave me. Then each is recognized as an individual, when they are all basically one being. And it’s not like it stops if you don’t react, and it just gets worse and all kinds of pieces of shit start making references to things you do alone inside your house that no one could with legitimacy know of etc. Or they start making fun of you in all these backward ways which you think is done jokingly, but when you realize it’s their lack of self-awareness it adds that extra sting. Or pieces of shit begin to multiply which now have the ‘conviction’ that you and only you must be treated in those ways that they are pre-disposed to treating you in. And they are all the same everywhere, and there is only one point of fixation for them, and when they become involved in your life they don’t know how to stop themselves.

Internet.

Some things seem self-explanatory and acts of self-determination seem justified but then you learn that in the midst of all their insincerity there are these semi-sincere demands for you to fall in line, succumb to the irrational and manipulative – or else.
Things directed or partially directed at me on the internet are one example. The things that insist on never mentioning me explicitly and then in seriousness expect me to continue basing much on these things which will later ‘never have happened’ and will set me up. And when you think it’s definitely a joke it’s not exactly and when encountering the team at large you won’t avoid harassments and coercions no matter where you go, like it’s a prison-establishment and you can’t escape it and you have to live by the rules of the prison even if these seem insane to you.
Things on the internet addressing themselves to me: no different from many other things on and not on the internet addressing themselves to me: things you sort of don’t respond to because no one will actually acknowledge in the end that it has anything to do with you and it will be meddled with whatever alibi-context and set you up and then this too will be enforced with seriousness.

Words can be defiant and cathartic at times. If those around you are completely deaf and insane they start worbling and laboring their way out of your mouth though. And it’s like they impose a regime and you now have to work in an imposed context and point out things they set up for you to point out and remain relevant to the confines of the context: in ideas, and more importantly in behaviour. And it’s the most obvious distraction-context. But if you experience hesitation due to lapses in logic on their part or the separation of objects of consciousness on yours, the pushes and coercions will not be limited to just things on the internet that you can choose to read or not to read, although will include these.
And if I go for about a week without writing something it becomes very unpleasant to walk into any public place or interact with most ‘individuals’. Do they have to constantly write things on the internet themselves? Most seem to value their own privacy very dearly. What do you say to them? There is a collective-based relationship they would like to establish, and things they can’t register and would like to not register with more assurance. And so they’ll find a strong voice that will initiate the desired attitudes, and then everyone will follow suit because they’re just a stupid herd and it’s now by all measures ok.

This is written for… wait, it’s just prison walls on all sides. Logic has been triumphantly overridden and it’s all downhill from here. Once they oblige you to something everyone gets to get their coercions and nozzles in on the side with as many of them as possible immune from response, and before you know it they are policing your life and telling you what you are and are not allowed to do.